I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
