he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
