did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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