hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
