don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
