He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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