i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
