No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize