when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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