Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
