In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
