I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
