I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
