Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
