I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
