He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
