Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
