Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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