We're facebook friends in real life
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Vodka?
Forever.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
