"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
