No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
