The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
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