I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I've blown a few things in my day
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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