im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
