is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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