K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
