Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
