It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize