I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
