I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
