She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It's never too late to be topless.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
