i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
