You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
