She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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