FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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