I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
