Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
