Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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