pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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