My liver just broke up with me...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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