I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
