I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
