My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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