That's intense
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
