the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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