Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
