super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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