After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
