I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
