I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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