I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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