things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
