I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
don't judge my taste in strippers
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize