I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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