Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
