Just cropdusted the office
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize