but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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