can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
