What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize